desperate
by weasley-twins-41
Summary: Spoilers for episode 6! The nightmares are getting worse. He goes through this cycle every night, every waking hour. He tries so hard to reclaim what he's lost, but he can't. Tahno-centric. EXTREMELY EXTREMELY ANGSTY! Rated T for the insane amount of hurt.


**I didn't want to put this together as 3 chapters, because they're not really connected. I intended for them to stand alone, but could be read together :D **

**Guys I can't even handle all my Korra feels. It's been 3 weeks and I'm still reeling. I seriously thought Korra would go all Avatar State on Amon's behind, but I get why they did what they did. TAHNO HAD BETTER JOIN THE KREW IN SEASON 2. IT WOULD BE ADL;KFJLA;DKJF AMAZING! And Dante Basco said that they're already done recording for the first few episodes. IROSAMI STILL HAS A CHHHAAAANNNCEEEE! **

**I really wish I could have been at the San Diego Comic Con! I'm really jealous of everyone that went. AND ALL THE NEW CONTENT. OH MY HEART. All of the new stuff is THE SHIZ. All the outfits, and the plot lines, and the characters, and the new enemies, just GAHHHH. I CAN'T. **

**THE PARALLELS IN THIS SONG AND TAHNO'S ISSUES ARE PERFECT. Seriously. It's called "Desperate" and it's by my favorite guy, DAVID ARCHULETA. GO LISTEN. NAAAOOOOOO. I DEMAND IT! He's on a mission in South America right now and won't be back till 2014, but we all love him still. AND HIS NEW ALBUM COMES OUT AUGUST 7****TH**** AND I PREORDERED IT! YEAAAHHHH! **

**I know that Tahno might be OOC in this fic, but I have it in mind that he's changed since Amon took his bending. You'd be distraught and miserable and EXTREMELY ANGSTY too. **

**Well, here we go! Again, the song is called Desperate and it's by David Archuleta. I **_**highly **_**recommend you listen to it along with the fic.**

_Desperate… desperate…_

Tahno jerked awake, sitting bolt upright. He was breathing hard, sweating a river and shaking. The all-too-familiar tears streaked down his face in floods. He was barely aware that his ragged breathing was periodically interrupted by choked sobs.

_You're reachin' out, and no one hears you cry…_

He rubbed his face futilely, trying to rid it of the tears. He failed miserably, however. Tahno gripped his head tight, trying to banish the terrifying images. He'd had the dream again, always the same one- Amon's cold thumb pressing into his forehead, immobilizing him, sucking his energy away until he was utterly lifeless; then came the laughter, the deep, rumbling, evil laughter, while his eyes shone a demonic red. Tahno shuddered. Without warning, his body was moving of its own accord- his arms threw back the sheets and his legs propelled him out of bed. He rushed blindly to the bathroom, where he stumbled into the sink.

_You're freakin' out again, 'cause all your fears remind you…_

His hands shaking violently, Tahno gripped the knobs of his sink and turned them onto full power. The water gushed out of the tap, first ice-cold, then at a more manageable temperature. He thrust his hands under the streaming liquid and tried to keep it between his fingers. _'Maybe this time,' _he thought desperately, willing the water he loved so much to move with every ounce of his being.

_Another dream has come undone, you feel so small and lost like you're the only one.._

Nothing. Not one little splash of water. Not one stream.

Tahno punched the water in the sink furiously, the sobs coming sharply from in between his clenched teeth. He had absolutely no one- all of his so called 'friends' had abandoned him. His family was thousands of miles away in the Foggy Swamp. He looked in the mirror with blurred eyes. _'Look at me,'_ he thought. The person he saw in the mirror was completely emaciated. Tahno looked like a skeleton, his bones sticking out in sharp angles all over his bare torso and face. But the worst things were his eyes- sunken and eerie, with deep purple circles hanging under them. In a fit of rage and self- fear, he screamed and drove his fist into the mirror. The glass shattered into millions of tiny pieces, scraping and bloodying his knuckles. Tahno fell back, still sobbing, cradling his hand. He barely even noticed the pain, though he knew he should do something about the bleeding.

_You wanna scream, 'cause you're desperate…_

He collapsed against the wall, wrapping his hand in a towel he'd had to scour his bathroom for (he'd always dried himself with his waterbending). Tahno tucked his knees to his chest, burying his face in them. He would do absolutely ANYTHING to rid his head of those images and get his power back.

_You want somebody, just anybody, to lay their hands on your soul tonight. You want a reason to keep believin' that someday you're gonna see the light…_

Tahno felt like he was down a deep, dark hole, with absolutely no way to get out. The pain lances through his hand, making him cringe. He felt like he kept on clawing his way up the walls, only to come down so far. Every time he tried to look up and pull himself out of his depression, something triggered it again. The tears still came profusely, no matter how hard he tried to stop them. He felt so weak, lost, and alone. The terrifying fear coursed through his veins at top speed, sending his nerves sky-high with no chance of peace. Some dark monster was ravaging his soul, and he wished someone would get rid of it, for he had no strength to do it himself.

_You're in the dark. There's no one left to call…_

There was no light where he was. Ming and Shaozu were going through the exact same thing he was, and they had all been pointedly avoiding each other. They needed no reminder of Amon's treachery.

_And sleep's your only friend, but even sleep can't hide you from all those tears, and all the pain, and all the days you wasted pushing them away…_

Almost every time Tahno slept, he woke much as he had tonight- sobbing and shaking. When he would finally, mercifully fall into a fitful rest, he relished sleeping. When the nightmares did not plague him, Tahno did not have to think about how he was driving away everyone had had even remotely loved. He did not have to think about his mother's devastated silence over the phone when he told her about what Amon had done. Tahno simply refused to acknowledge his family and 'friends'. He knew somewhere deep down, that he should man up and deal with it, but for now his life was a wreck.

_It's your life, it's time you face it._

_ You want somebody, just anybody, to lay their hands on your soul tonight. You want a reason to keep believin' that someday you're gonna see the light._

_ Cause you're desperate… Desperate… Cause you're desperate… And now…_

_ You know that things have gotta change. You can't go back, you'll find your way. Day by day you start to come alive…_

It had been five months since Amon had stolen Tahno's most precious gift. He knew that five months was much too long to be so torn over this, but this devastating blow had crippled him. He could no longer to half the things he could. Tahno knew that a serious change was in order, but no one can force change. The days were getting better, as long as he didn't accidentally walk by something that reminded him of that night. The golden Pro-Bending arena was no longer a landmark he cared for. At night he was more of a corpse, emaciated and terrible, but lately he had been trying not to look so awful during the day. Slowly but surely, his days were filling with life. The nights were lonely and terrifying, but the days were getting more bearable.

_You want somebody, just anybody, to bring some peace through your soul tonight. You want a reason to keep believin that someday you're gonna see the light. You want somebody, just anybody, to lay their hands on your soul tonight. You want a reason to keep believin' that someday you're gonna see the light._

_ Cause you're desperate… desperate… cause you're desperate… tonight. Oh, desperate… So desperate, tonight. Tonight._

After what seemed like hours, Tahno finally stopped crying. He gave a great sniff, and then wiped his face with his uninjured hand. With a huge effort, he pushed himself to his feet, leaning against the wall for support. Then, the pain flooded through his hand fully, making him cry out. Gritting his teeth, he searched for a bandage. When he found one, he washed his hand in the overflowing sink, and turned off the tap. Wrapping his fingers in the bandage, he exited the bathroom, carefully avoiding the glass.

He ambled back to his room and crawled into his bed. Pulling the sheets up around him, he finally fell into a deep, uninterrupted sleep.

_Desperate… desperate…_


End file.
